2009
I can't describe how cool this is to me.
Strawberry Swing by Coldplay.
A Psychedelic Movie
2006
Across The Universe is probably the most bewildering thing I've seen since the creation of the earth.
Across The Universe is probably the most bewildering thing I've seen since the creation of the earth.
Brian Eno (2005)
2005
77 Million Paintings. I don't have time to review them all. But the one I saw was pretty good.
77 Million Paintings. I don't have time to review them all. But the one I saw was pretty good.
Be Careful What You Wish For (2001)
2001
Too many of these artist people take things so seriously. So I said to myself, "I hope the next artist I meet is somebody really funny." Next thing you knew, I was in the middle of an episode of The Fairly OddParents. I never thought anyone's ears could be below their chin, but I suppose there's nothing wrong with being able to hear the crickets better. Thanks Butch Hartman!
Too many of these artist people take things so seriously. So I said to myself, "I hope the next artist I meet is somebody really funny." Next thing you knew, I was in the middle of an episode of The Fairly OddParents. I never thought anyone's ears could be below their chin, but I suppose there's nothing wrong with being able to hear the crickets better. Thanks Butch Hartman!
'Tis A Time For Computer-Generated Graphics (1995-1996) (2)
1995-1996
No longer do 3-D images have to be stagnant, nor do vast landscapes have to be the subject matter for painting.
The release of Toy Story and Super Mario 64 in consecutive years marks these two points.
No longer do 3-D images have to be stagnant, nor do vast landscapes have to be the subject matter for painting.
The release of Toy Story and Super Mario 64 in consecutive years marks these two points.
Anton Corbijn for the Win (1987)
1987
Note to self: don't walk through dry, expansive, epic-looking environment without being on alert, especially if everything is all black and white, or you might end up getting in the way of one of Anton Corbijn's shots.
Today I was just nonchalantly walking through the desert in Arizona, when I ran into a pretty weird-looking tree. I ended up in the background of a shot for the cover of U2's The Joshua Tree that was otherwise perfect. See how pissed they all look in the take they shot after I got out of the way?
As it turns out, Corbijn is basically a music imagery guru, and his work is always stark, pure, and minimalistic--not much use of special effects. Pretty awesome if you ask me.
Note to self: don't walk through dry, expansive, epic-looking environment without being on alert, especially if everything is all black and white, or you might end up getting in the way of one of Anton Corbijn's shots.
Today I was just nonchalantly walking through the desert in Arizona, when I ran into a pretty weird-looking tree. I ended up in the background of a shot for the cover of U2's The Joshua Tree that was otherwise perfect. See how pissed they all look in the take they shot after I got out of the way?
As it turns out, Corbijn is basically a music imagery guru, and his work is always stark, pure, and minimalistic--not much use of special effects. Pretty awesome if you ask me.
So Simple Yet So Mindblowing (1980)
1980
After years and years of striving for paintings that have high fidelity to their subjects, this is what captivates a nation? Indistinguishable, monochromatic, sexless forms?
And yet it's easier to understand why. They're pretty identifiable, after all.
Keith Haring. Genius.
After years and years of striving for paintings that have high fidelity to their subjects, this is what captivates a nation? Indistinguishable, monochromatic, sexless forms?
And yet it's easier to understand why. They're pretty identifiable, after all.
Keith Haring. Genius.
Andy Warhol (1963)
1963
This group of Elvises could probably harmonize like no other. I bet today he would have a field day with Lady Gaga.
This group of Elvises could probably harmonize like no other. I bet today he would have a field day with Lady Gaga.
Escher (1953)
1953
I was walking on a staircase and I noticed myself becoming rather tired...then I realized it was a neverending staircase, and I smiled and said, "Good one, M.C. Escher!"
To be honest, I'm glad I didn't end up in one of his tesselations. That would have been really confusing.
I was walking on a staircase and I noticed myself becoming rather tired...then I realized it was a neverending staircase, and I smiled and said, "Good one, M.C. Escher!"
To be honest, I'm glad I didn't end up in one of his tesselations. That would have been really confusing.
Giacometti (1956)
1956
As you know, dear reader, I've seen God create the world. And this is the only work I've seen that captures how unlikely standing, breathing people are. Thank you, Alberto Giacometti. I hope your wife isn't too upset that this is what you think she looks like, though.
As you know, dear reader, I've seen God create the world. And this is the only work I've seen that captures how unlikely standing, breathing people are. Thank you, Alberto Giacometti. I hope your wife isn't too upset that this is what you think she looks like, though.
You'd Better Duck...
1950's
...because that ridiculous, gimmicky arm is shooting right at your face.
Welcome the advent of 3-D film.
...because that ridiculous, gimmicky arm is shooting right at your face.
Welcome the advent of 3-D film.
The Dawn Of Anime (1944)
1944
"Momotaro's Divine Sea Warriors," the dawn of anime. Let the madness ensue.
"Momotaro's Divine Sea Warriors," the dawn of anime. Let the madness ensue.
Frankly, I'm a Fan of Frank Lloyd Wright (1935)
1935
Although I'm not sure I'd want to have a roaring dance party out on that edge.
Although I'm not sure I'd want to have a roaring dance party out on that edge.
That Was Weird (Like Dali) (1935)
1935
You really wanna know what surreal is? I was about to kiss a woman I had been seeing for a little while and the next thing I knew I woke up naked on this couch.
I guess it's just the kind of thing that happens to a guy like me.
At least it didn't have Dali's mustache.
You really wanna know what surreal is? I was about to kiss a woman I had been seeing for a little while and the next thing I knew I woke up naked on this couch.
I guess it's just the kind of thing that happens to a guy like me.
At least it didn't have Dali's mustache.
Cube-Heads (1913)
1913
I sat down to play some chess in the park today with a man whom I didn't know. He asked me whether it was OK to walk around the board--he really like to get a complete picture of things. He did that, then he tried to take the tops of pieces off and put them on other pieces sideways and upside down. I'm not really sure whether we were playing the same game.
Finally, his buddy came and they both told me it would probably be more interesting to figure out ways to morph the board into the surroundings. I shrugged. They said their names were Pablo and Georges.
This woman was unfortunate enough to be playing guitar nearby.
I sat down to play some chess in the park today with a man whom I didn't know. He asked me whether it was OK to walk around the board--he really like to get a complete picture of things. He did that, then he tried to take the tops of pieces off and put them on other pieces sideways and upside down. I'm not really sure whether we were playing the same game.
Finally, his buddy came and they both told me it would probably be more interesting to figure out ways to morph the board into the surroundings. I shrugged. They said their names were Pablo and Georges.
This woman was unfortunate enough to be playing guitar nearby.
Picasso (1907)
A fitting portrayal of temptresses. The scary thing is, I think Picasso might have been turned on by his own painting.
The Doctor
1904 - 1991 CE
Dr. Seuss.
Who, you ask? Well, a who's a who, no matter how small...but this man stands above them all.
Dr. Seuss.
Who, you ask? Well, a who's a who, no matter how small...but this man stands above them all.
Poor Sport Vince (1888)
1888
I met a man randomly at a restaurant. I played a couple of rounds of pool with him. I won and even got some money from him. Then he randomly zipped away, came back with a canvas, and told me to stand still. Then he showed me this:
I still feel like I got hustled somehow.
Anyway, I think the light just looked like that because he was crying so much from me beating him.
I met a man randomly at a restaurant. I played a couple of rounds of pool with him. I won and even got some money from him. Then he randomly zipped away, came back with a canvas, and told me to stand still. Then he showed me this:
I still feel like I got hustled somehow.
Anyway, I think the light just looked like that because he was crying so much from me beating him.
A Little Nihilism (1886)
1886-1976 CE
Fighting art with art...art that doesn't make sense. Three men from the DADA movement:
Marcel Duchamp -- ran into this champ at an art fair. First time I was ever told to piss on someone's art...by the artist.
Max Ernst -- Let's just say that what he did wasn't always in ernst...er, earnest.
Hugo Ball -- Anarchy as handlebars for philosophy -- apparently, letting go gives a better grip.
Fighting art with art...art that doesn't make sense. Three men from the DADA movement:
Marcel Duchamp -- ran into this champ at an art fair. First time I was ever told to piss on someone's art...by the artist.
Max Ernst -- Let's just say that what he did wasn't always in ernst...er, earnest.
Hugo Ball -- Anarchy as handlebars for philosophy -- apparently, letting go gives a better grip.
Everything Starting Getting Really Fuzzy (Renoir) (1881) (2)
1881
So there I was, just enjoying myself at a boat party, when all of a sudden the lovely young lady I was talking to began to look like she was made of cotton--boy, do I hate it when that happens. I thought you wanted to make things look pretty, Auguste Renoir!
Oh well. She could have started looking like this.
(Sorry, Edvard Munch)
So there I was, just enjoying myself at a boat party, when all of a sudden the lovely young lady I was talking to began to look like she was made of cotton--boy, do I hate it when that happens. I thought you wanted to make things look pretty, Auguste Renoir!
Oh well. She could have started looking like this.
(Sorry, Edvard Munch)
Generation of 1848
1848
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
If it ain't real, then nix it.
It's already there, just put it on display
Say Bonheur, Millet, and Courbet.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
If it ain't real, then nix it.
It's already there, just put it on display
Say Bonheur, Millet, and Courbet.
Hudson River School (1836) (4 creators)
1936
I went up and down along the Hudson River looking for the Hudson River School, and encountered many schools, but none with famous artists drawing pastoral landscapes. Then I remembered the spirit of American Landscape painting, of going out in the woods and painting the first thing you see. So I went home, closed my door, then walked back out, and the first guy I saw was Thomas Cole. He was just finishing up on this:
We talked for a little while about Walt Whitman and had a good time recalling some of his lines, but he said he had to go back to the schoolhouse with Thomas Moran, Albert Bierstadt, and Frederic Edwin Church.
I went up and down along the Hudson River looking for the Hudson River School, and encountered many schools, but none with famous artists drawing pastoral landscapes. Then I remembered the spirit of American Landscape painting, of going out in the woods and painting the first thing you see. So I went home, closed my door, then walked back out, and the first guy I saw was Thomas Cole. He was just finishing up on this:
We talked for a little while about Walt Whitman and had a good time recalling some of his lines, but he said he had to go back to the schoolhouse with Thomas Moran, Albert Bierstadt, and Frederic Edwin Church.
I Can't Think Of A Time When I Hadn't Seen This Painting (1831)
1831 CE
The Great Wave by Katsuhika Hokusai. You have to love how the water and the mountain in the background are almost indifferentiable.
The Great Wave by Katsuhika Hokusai. You have to love how the water and the mountain in the background are almost indifferentiable.
It's Hard To Call These Romantic
1819-1830
But some people find a war flag romantic, I guess.
Liberty Leading The People, Eugene Delacroix.
The Raft of the "Medusa"
Theodore Gericault.
But some people find a war flag romantic, I guess.
Liberty Leading The People, Eugene Delacroix.
The Raft of the "Medusa"
Theodore Gericault.
Spanish Satire
1819
I tried to ask Goya what this meant, but he told me it didn't come out until he died.
I tried to ask Goya what this meant, but he told me it didn't come out until he died.
The First Sitcoms
Heck, this stuff is better than Everybody Loves Raymond.
The Rake's Progress by William Hogarth.
The Rake's Progress by William Hogarth.
Big Time
1764
The first art museum, the Hermitate, was opened in St. Petersberg, Russia, yesterday.
I had had my tent pitched out for a year beforehand to be front row for the ribbon-cutting.
Technically, it wasn't open to the public, but I have a way of not letting it bother me--I've been around the block a couple times at this point.
The first art museum, the Hermitate, was opened in St. Petersberg, Russia, yesterday.
I had had my tent pitched out for a year beforehand to be front row for the ribbon-cutting.
Technically, it wasn't open to the public, but I have a way of not letting it bother me--I've been around the block a couple times at this point.
That Makes Things A Lot Easier (1800)
19th century CE
The Popularization of Photography.
How have I been coming up with these images this whole time? Ha ha...
The Popularization of Photography.
How have I been coming up with these images this whole time? Ha ha...
The Baroque Era Posse
1570 - 1669
History, landscape, Bible stories, and the Reformation.
Tackled by Rembrandt, Peter Paul Rubens, Frans Hals, and Caravaggio.
History, landscape, Bible stories, and the Reformation.
Tackled by Rembrandt, Peter Paul Rubens, Frans Hals, and Caravaggio.
Raphael (goes right after Michelangelo)
1511
I asked Raphael whether he could paint me in with all of the greats of Athens. He said that maybe if I made him upset, he would. Then he pointed out that Michelangelo was in the bottom center of the painting.
I asked Raphael whether he could paint me in with all of the greats of Athens. He said that maybe if I made him upset, he would. Then he pointed out that Michelangelo was in the bottom center of the painting.
Bodies On The Ceiling
1510 C.E.
My mom told me never to draw on the walls...but I guess she never said not to do the ceiling! I ran into Michelangelo today as he was painting the Sistine Chapel. I told him I thought it needed more nudity. He said if he ever got the chance to do another mural, he'd take my advice. I also asked him why, in the Creation Of Adam painting, it looked like God, the yet-to-be-created Eve, and the angels were travelling via jellyfish. He asked me what a jellyfish was.
Michelangelo was such a cool guy to talk to--full of poetry. It's almost like he's from my time.
There's
My mom told me never to draw on the walls...but I guess she never said not to do the ceiling! I ran into Michelangelo today as he was painting the Sistine Chapel. I told him I thought it needed more nudity. He said if he ever got the chance to do another mural, he'd take my advice. I also asked him why, in the Creation Of Adam painting, it looked like God, the yet-to-be-created Eve, and the angels were travelling via jellyfish. He asked me what a jellyfish was.
Michelangelo was such a cool guy to talk to--full of poetry. It's almost like he's from my time.
There's
Hey Leonardo!
I thought I'd walk into the library today, and I noticed someone was studying mathematics and anatomy at the same time while also drawing plans for a building--had to be da Vinci, I thought. I sat and talked with him for a few hours, and he explained to me all of the highly advanced structures he had built for the Ottoman ruler and all of the instruments he had invented and all of the grand ideas he had. When he discovered I was from the future, he asked me what he was most remembered for. I told him about a book that had been written that theorized his works were a big conspiracy that had to do with Jesus being married to Mary Magdalene. He laughed very hard. And then he cried.
Perhaps A Little Vain? (1471-1528)
1471-1528 CE
Albrecht Durer does a little bit of everything. Woodcarving. Printmaking. Watercolor.
But as it seems, there isn't anything he does more than draw himself.
Albrecht Durer does a little bit of everything. Woodcarving. Printmaking. Watercolor.
But as it seems, there isn't anything he does more than draw himself.
How Nifty...
1450
Gutenberg just invented the printing press.
Guess that changes things a little bit.
Gutenberg just invented the printing press.
Guess that changes things a little bit.
Dance Dance (1300)
c. 12th century CE
Shiva Nataraja (Lord Of Dance)
I bet I could pull off some sweet moves if I had that many limbs.
Shiva Nataraja (Lord Of Dance)
I bet I could pull off some sweet moves if I had that many limbs.
Can Its Title Do It Justice? (1200)
11th century CE
Travelers Among Mountains and Streams by Fan Kuan.
Travelers Among Mountains and Streams by Fan Kuan.
"Lord, You Shall Not Wash My Feet" (1000)
c. 1000 CE
Christ Washing The Feet of His Disciples
"I shall."
Christ Washing The Feet of His Disciples
"I shall."
I'm A Horrible Person!
180 B.C.E.
I knew something like this would happen ever since I had that conversation with God!
I came across the statue Nike of Samothrace without its arms and head missing, and I was so happy that I just wanted to go give it a hug, and I--I--I broke the statue! It was me all along!
At least she still has her wings, right?
And she will always look cooler than Kritios Boy.
I knew something like this would happen ever since I had that conversation with God!
I came across the statue Nike of Samothrace without its arms and head missing, and I was so happy that I just wanted to go give it a hug, and I--I--I broke the statue! It was me all along!
At least she still has her wings, right?
And she will always look cooler than Kritios Boy.
Hey. Looks Like Some Stuff Started Popping Up
400 B.C.E.
It's been a pretty dizzying last few centuries, but I'm so excited--I finally made it to the existence of Classic Civilization! I finally got to go and see the Parthenon!
And how could I forget about all of the naked bodies showing up everywhere? Anavysos Kouros stands out to me because it looks so excited that it's naked and right in front of me:
It's been a pretty dizzying last few centuries, but I'm so excited--I finally made it to the existence of Classic Civilization! I finally got to go and see the Parthenon!
And how could I forget about all of the naked bodies showing up everywhere? Anavysos Kouros stands out to me because it looks so excited that it's naked and right in front of me:
A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words
2050 B.C.E.
Although it's true that I can be in more than one place at one time...time isn't going as slow as I want it to, and I don't always have time to write about my encounters...so sometimes I'll just post images.
This is the Nana Ziggurat, located in what you modern folk would now call Iraq. I call it ancient Sumeria.
Although it's true that I can be in more than one place at one time...time isn't going as slow as I want it to, and I don't always have time to write about my encounters...so sometimes I'll just post images.
This is the Nana Ziggurat, located in what you modern folk would now call Iraq. I call it ancient Sumeria.
The Divine Hand
(A Really Long Time Ago)
Apparently, just because God already created the world doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy art anymore. I happened to be on my way away from Egypt and was fortunate enough to join up with the Jews as they crossed the Red Sea. Just yesterday, something really exciting happened--God told Moses and all the people to make an Ark of The Covenant for Him! God, like any artist, is pretty particular about the design--but the good part was that he filled a lot of His people with a spirit of skill. A spirit of skill! That's something I'd like to have.
Apparently, just because God already created the world doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy art anymore. I happened to be on my way away from Egypt and was fortunate enough to join up with the Jews as they crossed the Red Sea. Just yesterday, something really exciting happened--God told Moses and all the people to make an Ark of The Covenant for Him! God, like any artist, is pretty particular about the design--but the good part was that he filled a lot of His people with a spirit of skill. A spirit of skill! That's something I'd like to have.
Walk Like An Egyptian
2950 B.C.E - 500 C.E.
I woke up in an Ancient Egyptian pyramid today. Everyone was pretty friendly I guess, but they always had to stand sideways to me, sticking out all their body parts so that I could see each aspect of their body distinctly. They also like to hold hands with guys that have heads that look like dogs.
Come to think of it, I don't think I ever really ended up talking to anyone.
I woke up in an Ancient Egyptian pyramid today. Everyone was pretty friendly I guess, but they always had to stand sideways to me, sticking out all their body parts so that I could see each aspect of their body distinctly. They also like to hold hands with guys that have heads that look like dogs.
Come to think of it, I don't think I ever really ended up talking to anyone.
Those Guys Must Be Really Tired
3000-1500 B.C.E.
The other day I walked into a field and noticed that it had a trenched circle in it, filled with animal bones. The next day, some men came over the hill, dragging some really big rocks. I asked them what they were making. They said, "Stonehenge." And then I realized what was going on.
I was so excited to ask them why they were making it, and the leader just grunted, "Keep track of time." Foolishly, I let them all see my watch, trying to explain that it was from the future. Before I could even get more than two words out, though, they'd snatched my watch right off my wrist and ran away.
Sorry for accidentally causing Stonehenge never to be finished...
The other day I walked into a field and noticed that it had a trenched circle in it, filled with animal bones. The next day, some men came over the hill, dragging some really big rocks. I asked them what they were making. They said, "Stonehenge." And then I realized what was going on.
I was so excited to ask them why they were making it, and the leader just grunted, "Keep track of time." Foolishly, I let them all see my watch, trying to explain that it was from the future. Before I could even get more than two words out, though, they'd snatched my watch right off my wrist and ran away.
Sorry for accidentally causing Stonehenge never to be finished...
I Was Starting To Wonder Whether I'd Missed The Party
10,000 BCE
Ok, so it wasn't like I hadn't known that the art action wasn't really going to pick up for a while, so I was just kind of lying around taking a lot of naps...but it had been a while and I was starting to get anxious. Where was everybody? Luckily, in my boredom, I stumbled into a cave...
And saw this:
I had stumbled upon some Cave Artists!
They weren't very talkative, so I couldn't get much out of them, but they seemed very caught up in ritual, which seemed to be very closely related to their art.
Ok, so it wasn't like I hadn't known that the art action wasn't really going to pick up for a while, so I was just kind of lying around taking a lot of naps...but it had been a while and I was starting to get anxious. Where was everybody? Luckily, in my boredom, I stumbled into a cave...
And saw this:
I had stumbled upon some Cave Artists!
They weren't very talkative, so I couldn't get much out of them, but they seemed very caught up in ritual, which seemed to be very closely related to their art.
Something Very Interesting I Just Discovered...
A few years after the beginning of time
So, today, as I was hanging out with Adam and Eve, playing a little football (they're both really good, by the way...I wish I had a pre-fall body!), it became pretty apparent that the fact that there were only three of us was making it a little difficult to play. And then Adam said, "Hey, who's that guy standing over there?" I looked and...hey, it was me!
Apparently what had happened was that when I crashed into the beginning of the Universe, my time machine broke and in the process, the ability travel through many times in the same space somehow got mutated into the ability to be in multiple spaces in one time, and this ability somehow got imparted onto me. Which is great, because this means that I can be in different places across the globe talking to artists who lived at the same time without having to travel back and forth too much.
In order to view my different escapades through different world civilizations, go to the labels section at the bottom of the page, where you will find blog entries organized by the civilations through which I foray.
So, today, as I was hanging out with Adam and Eve, playing a little football (they're both really good, by the way...I wish I had a pre-fall body!), it became pretty apparent that the fact that there were only three of us was making it a little difficult to play. And then Adam said, "Hey, who's that guy standing over there?" I looked and...hey, it was me!
Apparently what had happened was that when I crashed into the beginning of the Universe, my time machine broke and in the process, the ability travel through many times in the same space somehow got mutated into the ability to be in multiple spaces in one time, and this ability somehow got imparted onto me. Which is great, because this means that I can be in different places across the globe talking to artists who lived at the same time without having to travel back and forth too much.
In order to view my different escapades through different world civilizations, go to the labels section at the bottom of the page, where you will find blog entries organized by the civilations through which I foray.
Whoa! Creation!
7 days after the beginning of time
Goodness gracious...I was just fumbling around with the controls on my time machine...I was only trying to go to an art exhibition from just last year to try to find that promiseful young painter whose name had eluded me...and, well, I guess I lost track of time...ha ha...(get it?)
Anyway, my time machine came to an abrupt stop, almost like it ran into a time-wall. I climbed out, and it was pretty dark. Then all of a sudden--bam! There was light.
Over each of the next few days, every day, something else happened. First there was an expanse created between the sky and the earth, and then there was dry land, and then there were plants and animals--oh, it was amazing! It was like being submerged into an artist's mind. And now I think that we are--we are walking in the middle of God's painting still in progress. And so I accidentally became an art critic of God.
God didn't hesitate to let me know about this. I was pretty afraid at first, but he said since I gave him a good review, he would let me live. He also asked me whether I wanted anything. I told him I would like to get to know art better. He asked whether I was patient. I supposed I was. He told me he would let me stick around to see a lot of art happen, and not to be surprised if some pretty weird stuff started happening. He grinned as He withdrew into a cloud.
I don't know what that will mean. But I plan to use this space to write about the artists I run into.
Goodness gracious...I was just fumbling around with the controls on my time machine...I was only trying to go to an art exhibition from just last year to try to find that promiseful young painter whose name had eluded me...and, well, I guess I lost track of time...ha ha...(get it?)
Anyway, my time machine came to an abrupt stop, almost like it ran into a time-wall. I climbed out, and it was pretty dark. Then all of a sudden--bam! There was light.
Over each of the next few days, every day, something else happened. First there was an expanse created between the sky and the earth, and then there was dry land, and then there were plants and animals--oh, it was amazing! It was like being submerged into an artist's mind. And now I think that we are--we are walking in the middle of God's painting still in progress. And so I accidentally became an art critic of God.
God didn't hesitate to let me know about this. I was pretty afraid at first, but he said since I gave him a good review, he would let me live. He also asked me whether I wanted anything. I told him I would like to get to know art better. He asked whether I was patient. I supposed I was. He told me he would let me stick around to see a lot of art happen, and not to be surprised if some pretty weird stuff started happening. He grinned as He withdrew into a cloud.
I don't know what that will mean. But I plan to use this space to write about the artists I run into.
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